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Monday, November 25, 1963 ~ NAN LAUNDERS Dear Readers : The Tim- ber Cruiser has received a deluge of mail asking my views on marriage. The staff would like to devote alL eight pages to my delightful column, but other staff members must be given equal time, or rather, opportunity. Our adver- tising manager would be most frustrated if he could nof write on rings again this issue - he's sure Mr. Launders has one in his nose. He'll be even more sure as he reads on. You concluded that if I took high school civics in 1944, during the succeeding twenty years, I must have snagged somebody and from experience would be able to help you with ques- tions on marriage which I gather is a current popular pastime. Experience does not make an expert how- ever, for if that were true the more marriages one contracted, the better one would be equipped to aQ- vise. The most represen- tative of your questions will be answered in the following, which are my comments on marriage. Neitche wrote "Mar- riage is a long conversa- tion." I concur with him. Marriage is a long con- versation -- with oneself, with the dog, the cat, her kittens, the children, their teachers, the storekeeper and the milkman. Why do people marry? The long - conversation concept hints at the idea of companionship. Al- though sometimes ob- scure, that ideal element is present in _marriage. As underlying reasons guiding human behavior are little affected by the passage of time, man does marry for companionship and get it, with his-feet-resting-in- front - of - . the - television kind. You say boys and girls marry for love. This reason so~nds jam-packed with virtue, and I'm all for it, providing the love converts to like. It's better to be liked for a lifetime than loved for a year. No ohe would acknowl- edge marrying for reasons of physical appearance only but I can .see from your letters that it is quite im- portant to some people. I'll share with you a con- clusion of mine which I like to believe is valid even though arrived at sub- jectively. You can determine the physical attractiveness of a man's wife without seeing her. Observe the extent of his interest in other fe- m ales. If his eyes wander to and fro, hither and yon, his spouse is handsome, and may I cynically add, she likely possesses ac- tive intelligence and ef- ficiency as a homemaker. He's learned appreciation of beauty · at home, and the source of all that energy to look around is the good cooking he gets there. Humans marry because they wish to extend them- selves. There are those who actually believe the purpose of marriage is contained in the ancient command, "Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth." Other than to com- plement the story of Adam and Eve, the command seems superfluous. In the first place, the word "replenish" . means to restock a dwindling or exhausted suppl)(, an.ct fur.-_ ther, this word suggests an earlier civilization. Secondly, humans need no command to be fruit- ful. To suggest it as a motive for entering mar- riage is utterly absurd, unless it is the reason. The latter bit of logic may show the absurdity of my logic. I join the host of arm- chair psychologists who say, "The trouble with marriage today is ••• ' selfcenteredly many of us marry expecting to obtain something for ourselves. We believe there are benefits peculiar to mar- riage and that marriage VISIT THE ALL NEW FREE INSTRUCTION 12th. FRAME GRILL UNDERGROUND BALL RETURN CARPETED FLOORS FOR YOUR COMFORT Open Bowling Friday, Sat., Sun, AND Every Night After 11 :00 THE TIMBER-CRUISER owes us these ben.efits. We can only be disappointed. Except for children, what material gains are peculiar to marriage? Or what rights? You may say, "the right to receive hu- mane treatment." That right already belongs to men and women as humans; The right to be understood and to be shown sympathy. No more kindness and un- derstanding can one re- quire from a spouse than from a good friend. Are there material bene- fits to be obtained by mar- rying? Almost none that can't be acquired faster and better by Qne person living on one income. Whether in human rela- tions or tangible worldly goods, the emphasis on get- . ting instead of giving is wrong. Sincerely, readers, I be- 1 i eve companionship, satisfying family relation- ships and opportunities for individual personality growth are potentials in- trinsic in any marriage which has been entered into with some degree of de- liberation. However, these blessings need to be worked out and nourished. Just as when one prays for pa- tience and receives tribu- lation, the wonderful bene- fits of sharing a lifetime together aren't dropped down from heaven in a package. Marriage is an extension of individual per- sonalities; two people have decid€d to a:r:.ticipate ·n life together. Only in pop- ular love songs do people belong exclusively to one another through magic mis-labeled "love." It is an act of the will, and act of integrity, not a condition we find ourselves in, to be faithful to the ideals of marriage. My principal comment on marriage is a suggestion. Instead of two people an- nouncing, "We are being married this summer" that they say literally "We l).ave decided to cry, tolerate, laugh, enjoy, disagree, and grow old together all the rest of our lives." Confidential to L.S. 'F.- You didn't follow my advice that a fellow should be at least 27, and have $10,000 in the bank before getting mar- ried. All Your Party Needs Open Until Midnight Cold Beverages To Go State A venue Party Store 1006 State Ave. John Dovaras John Dovaras is one of the most interesting in- structors I have ever met at this college. He is in charge of the music- pro- gram, which includes pub- lic school music, (where he demonstrates a beauti- ful falsetto) music theory, and the collegiate singers. But his day does not end with just these college classes; he teaches music to the elementary, and secondary schools of Al- pena. He also teaches a class of retarded children, which shows how versatile this man is in his teaching profession. Thus, from early mor- ning until early evening, he teaches the children and Page5 young adults of Alpena the art of music. I am sure that this community, and our college are very proud to have John Dovaras as a part of it. Bob Moers Continued from page 2 to men can be improved, Perhaps the College can add curriculums that can accomplish this. I would again like to invite stu- dents to present their views of college problems by working through the Student Council. · Stanley E. Van Lare, Director, Alpena Com- munity College. 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