The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Page 6 T HE PO LEM IC JUNK MAIL ANYONE ? In keeping track of the junk mail received for the month of December, I was aston- ished to discover that the 2 or 3 pieces of mail a day added up to 53 pieces all to - gether. The Christmas cards added to the junk mail must make a mailman wonder if it is really worth it. For a student to take advantage of the offers coming through the mail, he must be a millionaire. The junk mail can be divided into several groups . The first comes in the form of local advertising. The weekly sales i;1 the discount stores in and around the Alpena area make one wonder if they ever make a profit . It appears that some stores must be having a year-round sale. The second catagory fal Is in catalogs from stores all over the USA which are sent w people who have never heard of the stores. Gift stores from New York to Caiifornia have somehow put my name on their mailing lists. Why I would want to send 2,000 miles for a dollar item I could get here in Alpena makes me question their questioning my intelligence. Another type of junk mail is in the form of contests. I have a chance to win 2 homes worth over $77,000. Or would you believe, $100 a month for life? For drawing a picture of Santa Clause I can win a $500 art scholarship . Should I answer the ad that will help me win his and hers airplanes, or the new cars? What about the crossword puzzle? If I answer it I can get $10,000. Could there be c1 catch to any of these? Maybe I should go ahead and buy the magazine subscriptions, or listen to the records with their 1 O day money back guarantee . Should I have my drawings evaluated by a staff of well known artists? There 's no obligation on any of these and no salesman will call. I just can't go wrong. Maybe I'll take advantage of these seeing as how I haven't won anything since the 3rd grade when I won a pack of cigarettes at the county fair. Then come the free samples in the mail. Stamps on approval (I haven't collected stamps since the 2nd grade.) The free sexy toothpaste .. .... free hair coloring (sorry, I'm a guy who hasn't a gray hair in my head.) What about the free samples of mate- rial? "You can, for a limited time only, have a complete suit made with these materia ls for the low introductory price of $79.95, with terms." Free film for life! Gee, if I only had a camera . Oh, they have a camera outfit for only $49.95 complete . Reading on I find the free film can be processed only in their special development lab in Cal ifornia. Looking through more mail I find a few presents; Christmas cards, necklaces, salt and pepper shakers ...... and all I have to do is send a donation to all of these worthy organizations. January 29 , 197 1 ALMOST A MEAL IN ITSELF IS YOUR STORY REACHING THE COLLEGE MARKET? ADVERTISING RA TES per issue DISPLAY- $ 1.25 PER COLUMN INCH UP THRU 15 COLUMN INCHES. $ 1.00 PER COLUMN INCH FOR MORE THEN 15 COLUMN INCHES. \ 20 CENTS PER LINE, CLASSIFIED- ( MINIMUM- 3LINES CALL ► STEINKE AT 356-1425 OR LEA VE A MESSAGE AT 356-9452. The last type of junk mail is just junk . I'm on a list to get a marriage manual for only $24.95. Do I want to join the book of the month club? No? Well how about the COLLEGE BOOKSTORE gorl' Mmmm ... This is really quite good! ;.._.-~ . .e!:-.,~,4 ._f~~r J!_.' h ~ hn fl_~iver- e-f .. .t-A~ ;'¼l.~;t:~1.,-Cf-!s-,L;, ..... .. _.tr~~ -t .. :~ .. t..J::y-~~~±a.b.. club? NO . . NO . . .. Am I fully covered b_y insurance in_case of an auto accident? Should I take advantage of the snowmobile owners policy? I might, if I had a : snowmobile. Have I enough insurance on my loved ones and myself? Should I take advantage of the school that could send me a high school diploma through the mail? How about a college d~gree? Of all these examples, there is one more which really floored me. For $100 I can become a participating member of the United Nations in New York. Just think of how far up in the world you can get through the mail today. Well, thats' my pet peeve for this issue. If there is anyone in need of some extra mail let the Polemic office know. The staff of the paper will be more than happy to take up a collection for you. by Gary F leishans THE PEOPLES STATE °' ALPENA ,t,,n, Student Center BANK Haoe you thought about a checking account? • I There is no seroice charge on any personal account with an $100 balance. 10¢ a check, that's the only costl How about starting right now? Call us - 356-2241 or drop by at 3rd t Chisholm We'll be open soon at h111, er and Oldfield I I I It's ambrosial! BY ✓OV€, Eve~ 5omething's just occurred to me~~ Why,so we are~ Come ... Let us garb ourselves with fig leaves! I had hoped .\-'or an 00-rnted scene .. J:x1t with those changes, thell could sell their story to Walt Disney Productions.