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il~l~llli------:------------------------------P::..:o~le::.:,m~i~c,~I;:;:.::ss:!:.ue:::....::..i3,~0::=.:c::!:to~b~er~l!.:4'.1...,.!;19~9:.::2 How abo~t elevator surfing_ with Murphy and Danny ???? BY JAY McDONALD STAFF WRITER After hearing how Bill Clinton managed to stay out of that fiasco in Vietnam for the kajillionth time, a person could get a little bored with the campaign news. It doesn't get any better having t-0 con- stantly read how twelve years of Reagan/Bush policies have failed. You look around and you know all about it. So what do you do for news entertainment the~e days? Well, as Roseanna Roseanna-Danna used to say "It's always something." Here's a little story I found on the . back pages the other day about how much fun campus life can be. A couple of weeks ago at Southern Methodist Univer- sity in Dallas, Texas, one stu- dent was killed and one seri- ously injured while "elevator surfing." Apparently, these - "th " two young men were rown from the elevator they were eral notches above stupid. I mean, you can read a goodly portion of War and Peace going up all three floors in that thing. Say _ you did get thrown. What are we talking about? Sprained ego? Elevator surfing in ten to twenty story buildings prob- ably is a little more risky and exciting and all, but still. Me, I'm sticking to swallowing live goldfish and seeing how many nineteen year olds can fit into a telephone booth. Anyway, you can see that Miss Roseanna-Danna was right. This not enough to take your mind off all the cam- paign news? Well, we had those two antagonists Murphy Brown and Danny Quayle to keep us entertained. For those of you just arriving from another solar system, here's the poop on them. See, Murphy Brown is a T. V. character played by the actress Candace Bergen (whose father made a damn front of a T.V. camera and let the world know how this blas- phemous scandal flew directly in the face of the President's only known policy. Of course this deeply offended all those in Hollywood who felt that 'show business was no busi- ness' of the Vice President. Some even insinuated there · might be more pressing mat- ters for Danny to concern him- self with. I watched the show the other night to see what re- · sponse Murphy Brown would have on the show's season premiere. There were the old one-liners about what a mo- ron the Vice President can be, but I didn't see anything any- where that concerned me as- a s ed nder it. Elevator surfing? fine living ti:ying to commun.,...i._- - t,.;,,,;.; cate with a wooden dummy, a It seems in this sport (a cousin to bungy-jumping), you either climb through a ceiling hatch or pry the doors open when the elevator is just be- low your floor and climb on top. An accomplice presses the elevator button for parts unknown and you ride the wild elevator. Am I an old fuddy- duddy or does this sound re- ally stupid? For those of you who are familiar only with our eleva- tor in the Natural Resources Center, this has to sound sev- Co-Editors . . . . . Advertising Editor . . . Cartoonist . . . . . . . fact evidently not lost on Candace). Danny Quayle is a pretty good golfer, often seen on T.V. portraying the Vice President of the United States. Neither figures to be much of a positive influence on voters come November. Anyway, it seems on the Murphy Brown T. V. show, Candace Bergen announced she was going to have a baby. Of course she isn't married or even dating regularly. I'm still a little confused about how . . Denine Zill, Jen Goodbume . . Lisa Suszek .Carol Bums Entertainment Editor . . . . . .Jim Ballmer News Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Scott King Opinions Editor .. ·. . . . .Sarah Lindsey Photographer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Josh Eagan Society Editor ............ Sandy Bedient Sports Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jason Santana Adviser .................. Sonya Titus Staff: Jay McDonald, Darin Hite, Stacey Smith, Tina Jones, Sandy Parent, Rich Spicer, Shawn Patzer, Elaine Kosloski, Kim Wiesniewski, Kelly Counsellor, Joe Brisson Michelle Rouleau Krist Pilarski this happened but it's just tele- vision, so I didn't get too worked up about it. Danny did. I understand that it wasn't until he saw himself on T. V. as the Vice President, that he actually realized he was. So now when he sees something on the T. V., he takes it just as seriously as he_ does his job. Apparently Danny was watching Murphy Brown on the tube one night (you know, keeping up with what's hap- pening in the real world) when Murphy says she's having this baby out of wedlock. Boy, if this wasn't the antithesis of the President's "Family Val- ues" chorus, what was? What indeed? So Danny got himself in much as the economic mess in this country concerns me. Of course, I'm not the Vice Presi- dent, so what do I know about what's important? In the latest edition to this gripping story, Danny sent a present off to ·Hollywood for the ".make believe" baby of Murphy Brown. His boss felt it was going to be a long cam- paign and the last thing they needed was to have the televi- sion cameras mad at them. I'm going out on a limb here, . and say I'll bet we'll all be sleeping better now. So there you have it. Bored with the same old campaign B.S. in the news these days? Try page 2 or page 3, because "It's always something." I ; I J. t I