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‘ CAMPUS UPDATE, October 10, 1979, Page 3 Penthouse identifies college football flops Just in time to inject a note of reality into alumni hopes for a win- ing football season, Penthouse maga- zine’s October issue identifies what sports writer Lawrence Linderman calls "The Penthouse 20 Worst Foot- ball Teams of 1979-80.” These teams are not obscure teachers colleges: they are, of have been, potential rivals of the best. But all have fallen on hard times-in recent years, and Linderman sees little hope for the football season soon upon us. The list: 1. Northwestern. Its 0-10-1 re- cord set last year “figures to be ev- en worse in 1979." Says the maga- zine: Northwestern's major prob- lems are offense and defense :, in both of which they are deficient.” 2. Wake Forest. Last season’s 1-10 record may turn out to be bet- ter than 1979's likely outcome. “Wake Forest may well lose every time out in 1979, including its cur- tain raiser against unheralded Ap- palachian State,” 3. University of Texas, El Paso. UTEP has won only one game per season since 1975, “and they won’t do any better this time around. UTEP’s gridiron specialty is the eee ‘opportunity defense, which allows opponents to score five touchdowns a game without regard to race, creed, color or talent.” anderbilt._ Finishing 2-9 last orge Macintyre can say of do will help the Commo- dores escape what seems to be para- jount possession of last place in the Southeastern Conference.” 5. Idaho. Last year’s 2-9 record isn’t likely to be much better this year, but Penthouse concedes that the team might be able to give us less than the 36 points per game it yielded in ee 6. is Christian University. "Defense will again be the Praggice: short suit, but the same can be sa of their offense.” Look for “apathet 2-9 season this year. 7. Virginia. After 1979's 2-9 re- cord, Linderman says: “I iook for the Cavaliers fe beat James Madison this year... that’s about it.” 8. Coluinbis “The doormat of the Ivy League” in 1979 after last year’s 3-5-1 season. Graduations have made the outlook dimmer. 9. Oregon State. This school had a winning season. -- in 1970. Last year’s record was 3-6-1 and 1979 looks like the ninth con- secutive losing season. 10, West Virginia. Another los- ing season after 1978's 2-9 record, but there is hope: the state legis- lature has approved a-$20 million new stadium, and “high school ath- letes.always have an edifice complex. The Mountaineers will begin get- ting their share of blue-chip play- ers quite soon and should show. marked improvement within the next couple years. ”” 11. Rice. Rice’s record for the last three seasons is 3-29. This year, says the magazine, “the Rice de- fense will again give up twice as many points as the offense can score, which is why the Owls can be expected to check in with a record that will approximate last season’s 2-9 performance.” 12. Army. The once-mighty football ‘school hasn‘t been able. to attract top high school players, many of whom don’t find four years in the Army after graduation an enticing prospect. The loss of 2219 US-23 South » Hockey Skates and Equipment 20% OFF Brook Running Shoes overnight bags, warm-up suits, backpacks, sleeping bags All Raquetball Equipment "in stock Intra Mural controversy rages by Renne Bushey It’s only three weeks into the Intra- mural season, yet the controversy about which flag football team is the best is already raging. Will the “Dorm Dudes’ finish first? Will “Team Number Six’’ stomp the “Dirty Dozen‘’? or will “Jory Bro- -mund’s Team” win overall? That remains to be seen as the IM games continue. : Who are the hearty lads which comprise the teams? “Jory Bromond’s Team’: Jory Bromond, Pat Robatge, Jim Amsler, Ken Lechtanski, Bill Metz- ke, Brian Gary and Tim McKay. “Dorm Dudes” ~ Byron Sinclair, cee Kueffner, Lor- en Champine, Steve Muller, Eric Szzukowski, Bill Hastings,. Bob Ray- mond, Drew Potock, Bob Payton, Joe Gruber, Tim Roesk, and Dan Gibbs. - “Team Number Six”: Dave Perry, John Boss, Rich Rich- man, Mark Engstrom, Bob Teetzel, Mike Kissinger, John Silvia, and Mark Grimes. “Dirty Dozen”: Dave Whitney, Steve Hirde, Bill Snow, Bob Mid, Dave Brewster, Don Wilcome, Jim Jahson, Scott Hetz- ner, Brad Schem, Calvin Dallas, and Robert Costelnock. “The IM schedule, standings and the 1 upcoming tournaments will be cov- ered in the Campus Update. eight starting seniors from the ‘78 “season won'‘t help Army either. (Navy, incidentally, is not on the Worst 20 list.) 13. Illinois. Last year’s 1-9-2- re- cord foreshadows this year’s results. Failure to take to the air with the forward pass was to blame last year, and likely will be again in’79. 14. Boston College. ’’Holly- wood producers could do worse than to study Boston College's 19- y, 78 football season for possible ad- aptation as a movie comedy,” Pent- house says. Head coach Ed Chlebek was fired last year -- but rehired af- ter his players pleaded ae he be given a second chance. After last , year’s 0-11 record, Boston College “will improve, although not dram- atically.’” 15. Kansas. “The Jayhawks are a decent enough college team, but unfortunately they’re playing in a murderously tough conference.’’Last year’s 1-10 record may be a taste of the current season as well. 16. Syracuse. Once the symbol of Eastern football power, the school of Jim Brown, Ernie Davis, Floyd Little and Larry Csonka, the Orangemen have fallen on hard times. This year, the Orange will be mostly black and blue. Time out for Bas¢ Tacks You can feel your feet relax the minute you put them on. Soft leather. Lightweight soles. Life is more comfortable when you're walking on Tacks. Masters Shoes Downtown,Alpena Mon. & Fri. 9 A.M. to 9 P.M. T-W-T-Sat-9 A.M. to 5:30 P.M. 17. San Diego State. Used to winning seasons, this school found introduction to the Western Athlet- ic Conference last year a sobering experience. For ‘79, ‘the team has been so depleted by graduations that its chances of finishing near 500 seem very remote.” 18. Tulane. The Green Wave's last winning season was in 1973, ao the next isn’t likely to be this “One reason for Tulane’s pro- © ee decline is its somewhat stead- y offense,’’ the magazine says. On the other hand, ‘'the setense won't be able to stop a sneeze.” 19. Washington State. Despite , the services of the nation’s “finest Collegiate quarterback,” WSU last year has a 3-6-1 record. “Since Wash- ington State was the PAC Ten’s easiest team to push around last sea- son; look for their conference foes - to cea stick it to the Cougars this season.” 20. Memphis State. Last year the Tigers were 4-7. Theirfirst los- ing season since coach Richard Wil- liamson took over in 1975. “and this fall will seem like a replay of 1978. It’s easy to diagnose what ails the Tigers: their defense has as much muscle as Bianca Jagger.” TACKS®